When I was in my teens, I thought I had commitment phobia. This is because as silly as it sounds, I was worried about being in a relationship. I thought I was scared to commit, and as far as the internet goes when you throw phrases or search queries around, it is very easy to self-diagnose yourself.
It’s hard to say whether commitment phobia itself is a real thing or not. However, being scared to commit to something such as a job, relationship, marriage, or being part of a family is definitely possible.
For me when I was a teenager, I simply came in and out of relationships and didn’t like being with someone for too long. I have always been really sensitive about my emotions and the emotions of others and any time that I would feel like the other person was starting to really like me, I would end the relationship if I didn’t feel 100% the same. Unfortunately for those that had a relationship with me, this was quite a common occurrence.
This seems harsh and maybe I was too quick to the trigger, but I didn’t want to continue something if I wasn’t completely sure. Even if I did like them, found them attractive, and the relationship could have blossomed. I couldn’t bear the thought of hurting someone emotionally and having to have those feelings on my shoulders knowing that I made another person feel that way. So I would end it.
At the time I thought that I definitely had some kind of commitment problem, or maybe it was because my mum and dad did not stay together when I was younger and I felt subconscious way that a strong unbreakable relationship wouldn’t be possible or that it needed more thought.
As an adult, I now realise exactly what the problem was. Firstly, I was too young to make any real commitments, and I still had much to learn about relationships and love. Finally, I believe that the only reason I was too scared to commit is that I hadn’t found the right one yet.
I am a strong believer in finding a soul mate, and I don’t believe that there is just one choice per person, but someone who matches you intellectually, has similar interests and qualities that you can connect with. I am not suggesting having multiple partners, I am suggesting that some people, you could have a potentially strong relationship with due to compatibility and other people are just not compatible.
I say this because when I met Sadie, the feelings of commitment phobia were different. They were still there, but instead of ending it before it had even started. I communicated with her, and she understood me better than anyone else ever has. As I got to know her more, I realised that we shared the same values with nice food, music, and experiences. We both had a passion for making a house a home. As time went by, I committed, and it was the best thing that I ever did.
If you feel worried to commit to something, give it more thought. Find out why you are feeling this way. Express your feelings to others, it may give you some perspective. Your feeling how your feeling for a reason, and no matter what, everything is happening the way it is meant to.
Back to the initial question, is commitment phobia a real thing? Maybe it is an outdated survival instinct, maybe it is the very thing that is getting in the way of taking a risk, or it could be preventing your happiness altogether.
Up next: how to keep your relationship strong